Two and a half years ago many people including myself and my family lost everything we owned in a horrific wild fire in Portugal. There was a moment when we were driving away from the fire, 3 kids in the car Mum, Dad and Grandma. It was night time, we were lost, and we could see a wall of flame infront of us 20m high, a wrong turn could have meant the end for us all.
It was a moment of intensity in my life, I will never forget.
Isn’t life always like this? ‘One wrong move and you are dead’, We might die crossing the road or eating the wrong thing. We might die from a heart attack, or coronovirus. Suddenly our lives could end. And yet, most of the time, our habitual pattern of thinking lulls us into a false sense of security. We assume everything will carry on as normal, we will get up and wash and eat breakfast and go to work. We forget the greatest most powerful truth of all – that everything will pass and that change is inevitable.
This situation has made us aware of this great scary truth. All of our lives have, to some extent, been changed by this lockdown. Our rhythm has been broken, and we stand a little more aware that we are always balanced on a knife’s edge. This can induce profound fear in us, I have certainly felt this.
When we lost everything in the fire, it took me many months to assimilate, my head was spinning for a long time.
I noticed that when circumstances in our lives change, it takes some time for our heads to catch up. The bigger the change the longer it takes to adjust. We identify with our things and the place we live, our routines and our work. They become part of who we are, they become part of the structure of our minds and brain’s neural pathways.
When our house burned, after it had gone I could still walk around it in my mind and see all my things. That memory occupied space on my brain’s hard drive and because those memories were used all the time in my subconscious, those neural pathways were well conected, they were the internal map of my world. When those things changed I had to give my brain a chance to catch up with reality. And as it did an array of emotions arose. Grief, fear, Anxiety, Anger and Depression. This seemed to be a necessary part of adjusting to a new situation.
When they arise, if we are aware that this is a natural part of adjusting to change, we can have one foot on the shore and part of us can observe as we cry or feel an emotion. Having this observer makes this process much easier. Having a little space between ‘us’ and the emotion gives us the chance to allow it, but also not to unecessarily feed it. Tears may need to come, we can let the emotion out, but not get lost in it by wallowing in self pity. Fear may arise, we can feel it in our body as tension, we can observe it but not feed it with our thoughts.
We might start thinking “Why is this happening to us?”, “Who is doing this to us?”, Will I and my loved ones be ok?” etc. We can feed those feelings all day long, with facebook and the news. But at some point we need to stop and feel how we feel, and remember, eveything is happening perfectly, even if it seems like it is not. Somehow we need to find trust in a bigger plan, something bigger than our little lives, a bigger picture, we need to surrender, embrace the change, and start to live. Not from fear but from that calm that comes when we realise we are standing on a knife’s edge.
We worry about our demise and that of our loved ones. Why do we only worry about this now? If we were truly aware of impermanence we would be in a perpetual state of terror. Change can and will come in all sorts of unknown guises, and we know not when.
The ultimate of these changes is Death and hence creates the biggest fear. When we stare at death’s face what do we feel? Fear of the unknown; Fear of being alone; Fear of loosing our loved ones; Fear of loosing all our things; Our status; and loosing ourselves.
But what a way to die and what a way to live….
Afraid.
Would there not be a more dignified death and a more fully lived life?
One of surrender to what is. A death and a life where we are aware that everything is happening perfectly and a smile appears on our faces and we surrender to the higher power: The power of time, impermanence, change, the inevitable. All those years struggling against that moment, living in denial of that moment. Why not just surrender into it?
That moment is now and it has always been now, because we never know which is our last moment. And now especially that our routines have been broken and fear is in the air, we have the opportunity to face that fear. Confront it, look at it head on and live accordingly. Like it was our last moment. What would we say to our friends? How would be behave with our loved ones? What would we do with our last precious moments? Watch tv? Check Facebook? Or maybe show someone how much we care, use our talents to help and care for those around us, create beauty. Live 100% not waiting for tomorrow to say what we mean.
We can think to ourselves…
‘This could be my last day, what am I going to do with it given the physical limitations and resources that I have?’
If we remember that “Everything is happening perfectly”
It reminds us to trust in the process of change, to accept impermanence.
And by remembering “This could be my last day”
We stop being complacent and subdued. This thought keeps us focused on following our passion, our inspiration, our flow, to wherever it leads. We have a great opportunity now that our routines are broken, to either fall into the abyss of fear, or to tap into our own inspiration, creativity and passion and to express it for the good of the whole.
I wish you all well fellow beings, these are intense times. Let us not shy away from our unique authenticity but reveal the jewels hidden within.
Much Love